dublin.

*the first time
I travelled
with someone
somewhere
it had to be

dublin.

(because I felt at home there
back in the days.)
and that someone had to be

jacopo.

"happiness:
only real when shared."

*from our nestbook

_________________________________________

special thanks to
glenn
luke

omena puu.

*apple tree

minä olen Polly Lintu
ja sinä olet Jacopo
ja minä rakastan sinua.


we like to sit down
for hours
in old houses
filled with
heavy memories
and strong essence of naphtaline.





*** new findings at my grandmother's place.

someone wrote in red: ''start over''

she remembers it was snowing.
snowing so much.
and she was wearing one of her warmest hats
(the woolen white one - it belonged to her grandma).

she wasn't really in the mood to go out.
to be honest,
she wasn't in the mood to go out
at all.

but her twin sister said her life was sad and lonely.
and so she walked out.

that's when she met that smart dandy-looking boy.
he wasn't wearing any hat,
despite the snow,
but fancy coat and fancy shoes.

they got records,
cakes
and tea.
and the boy had so much to tell!
she was well impressed.

that evening she met his twin brother,
and she found it so peculiar
that they both were
twin brothers and twin sisters!

but there was much
much more.

some days later she met his friends.
(and I am telling you,)
she was never lonely a single day again.


***

"Take the fruit from the tree,
break the skin with your teeth
Is it bitter or sweet?
All depends on your timing
Like a meeting of chance
with the train station glance
Many lifetimes had past in a instant reminded."

jacopo.

*and that's for everyone
no one should stand
without a hand to hold.

kiitos.

pumpuli.

at the seaside
in sweden
last summer
we used to wake up slowly.

there was this volvo commercial going on
on tv all the time
with a very slow and happy song
talking about sunny mornings.

and just like that we used to drink our smoothies.


mornings in a big city are slightly different.
mornings in milano are totally different.

but the summer is coming early here,
and they have a sort of sun too.

I wake up at 9.30 coughin.
at 10 o'clock I am a the grocery shopping.
and my shopping list looks like this:


I am learning.
at least I am trying my best to learn.

at the beginning of
my last summer in milano,
I feel like I am changed

can I call this state I am in
e q u i l i b r i u m ?

I do feel stronger.

fitter.
happier.
more productive.

still.

extremely pensive.

*

and what about you?
all things have to end.
they have to end
they do.
and they do.

I G O T S O M E
S E C O N D H A N D
T R E A S U R E S
H E R E :







today I went out with
my new friends.
and it was magical.

two boys and a girl.
a girl!
[ you see? I can have a girlfriend too.]
and they liked me.
and I liked them.

we went shopping.
we had an ice cream.
we had a chat.
and we did
everything
good friends should do
together.

that really really really
made me so
extremely
happy.


t h a n k y o u .

emotion recollected in tranquility.

*M a r i a n n e


is it normal to start crying when you taste a certain something?
but then again, what's normal, after all?
the fact is that when that Marianne Candy melted into my mouth, I began to wonder
about everything that happened to me in the past 18 months;
and when I had my first Anna's Pepperkakor heart-shaped cookie,
after 3 months,
I started crying like a child.

my first thought went to Ann-Britt.
(and everything related to her.)
the mother I've always wanted to have.
the happiest lady, the sunshine, Ann-Britt.
and god only knows, if I'll ever see her again,
if I will cross her path someday,
in that forest.
but, oh, I loved her.
and I could love her still.
sweet and sour taste in my mouth,
of something that is now past,
but still so fresh
is burning inside my throat.

and is it possible to feel
homeless
in your family house?
where everyone is now just a shadow,
even though the lights are totally flat.

for a minute there
I lost myself.

I AM
DESPERATELY
LOOKING FOR A JOB
IN HELSINKI.
MY NAME IS
POLLY BALITRO
AND I NEED A
NEW LIFE.

ectoplasm.

Ectoplasm is said to be produced by physical mediums when in a trance state. This material is excreted as a gauze-like substance from orifices on the medium's body and spiritual entities are said to drape this substance over their nonphysical body, enabling them to interact in our physical universe.

***


working with
J A C O P O .

nestbook.

lubitel 166B*

we went to some
beautiful places
over the past few days.


J a c o p o .

say goodbye.

l e a r n i n g t o l o v e y o u m o r e . c o m

assignment #70
say goodbye.

"sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. It just feels easier to keep holding on. But in the long run it's usually a good idea to let go, it's the daring thing to do. It allows room for new things, for transformation. And maybe the goodbye isn't even forever, but you can't know until you really say goodbye and mean it. In some cases, goodbye is really the end, and good riddance! For this assignment, say goodbye to all the things you need to let go of: bad habits, dead people, alive people, ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, self-destructive feelings and behaviors, jobs, projects, re-occuring thoughts, etc."

*that is how I did my goodbye list.
I am planning to keep on working on it.
I'll put more bad feelings
and things I want to say goodbye to
in the brown envelope
whenever I feel like.

I may send it away.
some day.

kaksikymmentäkaksi.

*it appears to be my age in suomi.

interesting
very long
word, quite easy
to forget.


j a c o p o l u c a s o l g u n n .

at the flee market I found some golden treasures.
I was pleasently surprised.
I am starting filling the photo album I found in Stockholm for 85 kronor.











above all these treasures:
a LUBITEL 166B

and my heart stopped beating.

I am going to start shooting
with her
tomorrow.

then slip away quietly.

*from my notebook:


"remembering you fallen into my arms crying
for the death of your heart you were stone
white so delicate lost in the cold you were
always so lost in the dark remembering you
how you used to be slow drowned you were
angels so much more than everything oh hold
for the last time then slip away quietly open
my eyes but i never see anything"

*

In his dreams,
I speak Finnish.


at 22:43 on 05 February
P : quando non ci sono io vi divertite di più :(

at 01:37 on 06 February
J : no è uno spot: significa vieni anche tu la prossima volta!!!

at 13:33 on 06 February
P : aw :) ♥

at 13:34 on 06 February
J : ^^

at 13:34 on 06 February
P : quando parti? io tardi...da orio ;)

at 13:35 on 06 February
J : io alle 22 05 da orio!

at 13:35 on 06 February
J : prendo il pullman da centrale verso le 17

at 13:36 on 06 February
P : ah. io circa un'ora dopo non mi va di arrivare troppo presto in aeroporto. mi annoio a morte. ho il volo alle 20.50. -.-

at 13:36 on 06 February
J : :D va a finire che ci becchiamo a orio :D

at 13:37 on 06 February
P : ma scusa!!!! andiamo assieme no??? cioè. alle 22.05 e vuoi partire alle 17??? ma sei fuori??? è prestissimo -.-

at 13:37 on 06 February
J : vado lì prima perchè non ho voglia di stare a casa e l'aeroporto mi da un po' di tempo libero per scrivere :D

at 13:38 on 06 February
J : mmm a che ora?

rakas.

these days I had proof
once more
that old friends
are always the closest ones.



"the way they love me won't change,
even if I change my way."


R A K A S :
you are guiding me
home.




it has been
raining
for days.

rain makes the city more gray than ever.

but somehow
we
find always a way to bring
blue sky back.

liminal.

I've just learnt a new word by chance.



L I M I N A L *

the liminal state is characterised by
ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy.
one's sense of identity dissolves
bringing about disorientation.