31 March 2009

italialaisella laivalla.

it is indeed the strongest feeling I have.
I want to squeeze all this inside me, deep down beneath my skin.
treasure it, in some safe place.

I don't trust human nature. humans are evil.
"and you do lose, what you don't hold."
people will talk. they always talk too much.
everybody pretend to care,
everyone believes they understand.
but I know they're all
not real.
oh no. they're so
not real.

I believe my dreams,
most of the times.
and I trust my ghosts
most of all.

I got to keep this safe.

m i n รค r a k a s t a n s i n u a .

30 March 2009

watching her breathing.

there I was, sitting on the floor in a cold hospital room.
and once again I was holding my knees, as I was just a clueless silent kid.

I find myself taking distance from the Real World too often for my age, and I am ashame of it.

she was dreaming weird nightmares and she was breathing heavily: every single move she did, made my heart stop.

she was just the shadow of herself. a beautiful, proud and brave woman. so brave, I've always dreamt to be like her. she was, in fact, the strongest lady I've ever met.

I stared at her for a couple of hours, caressing her fragile arm, from time to time.
"this ain't my home" she moaned. and she looked so small, in her flowery nightdress, too wide for her skinny old body.

I felt like I couldn't hold back my tears for too long then.
I kissed her bones, and said "I'll see you soon. I love you".
but my voice was totally broken, and I couldn't see anything when I walked out that door.