13 January 2011

it's all in your mind.

I am bird but I cannot fly.

I am experiencing a phase of my life where I cannot just do anything alone. everyday life has suddenly become so hard to live like I did before. As soon as I am leaving home and I find myself in a place where I realize I am alone I get scared and I feel a strong impulse of running away. Catching the metro train to the city has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I can only feel relieved when I am next to somebody that I can talk to. I can only feel relieved when I am walking outside and I feel the presence of the nature around me. I know it's all in my mind but can somebody please tell me how to make it go away from there?
TAMMIKUU means january in finnish - which means on saturday I am going to turn 24.


  1. you know that you can handle it and it is nothing.
    focus on the things which are really important for you and try not to weight to much something that would be a wall between you and what you want to do.


    maybe not enough but still..

  2. dear polly, better times will come. you're a strong bird <3

  3. i think i'm going through something similar, polly. after being at home for nearly 3 weeks for christmas and new years and now coming back to vaasa has made me long for company, somebody to talk to. i'm constantly trying to start conversations with shop keepers and neighbours.
    a good thing about phases: they're only phases. you will be fine.

  4. thank you jacopo, maisa and miia.
    I treasure your caring words and thoughts.

  5. I've been there, and still am.
    I guess it makes perfect sense. we're like birds leaving the nest, and we've never flown away before ! and for some it's "away" like 1h away from the house, but for us, in another country, in a completely different culture, it's double hard !
    you're learning to be an adult.
    and being able to be alone is a major part of it.
    you have your friends, your family, you have Jacopo, and your support from others can be great, but at the end of the day, it's how you carry yourself that really matters, because if you don't, nobody around you can.
    don't put too much preasure on yourself.
    take the time to discover all those new feelings and impressions, they are very inspiring in a way.
    and when life is not easy, then it is chalanging and you gain so much from it.

    good luck Polly bird !
    and everytime you feel scared, like in the metro, think "common Polly, it's hard because it's a great adventure, and i'll become strong enough to overcome this adversity !"

  6. this made me cry a little bit, because what yo wrote is so intense and lovely alice. thank you <3

  7. pollyni i m so sad to hear this. do u experience just sadness or is it actual panic? of course u need ppl to talk to i can understand that but u have so many ppl who love u. really. maybe if u do this a lot while trying to think happy thoughts u ll come over it? i hope it happens very soon. hang in there. <3333

  8. thank you amanda. today I have felt much better already. it's just happening a few moments when I am alone, but when my friends are around it's much much better, I don't even think about it :)
    I guess I will try to get more buses in the lonely times, and leave the metro for the company ;)

  9. maybe u just dont feel good in the metro because it feels a bit like a trap? i hope u had the most perfect day possible dear bird. x

  10. yeah... It's a little bit silly of me because helsinki's metro line is basically outside for most of its journey and it's also very wide and never crowded... but it's just a phase I hope :)