03 August 2010

pensieri con le ali.

thoughts with wings

my first polaroid of Milano ever.
when I was a little girl, I wanted to become a writer. later on though I found out I wasn't any good at writing. anyway today I am posting a whole writing piece here on Passer Domesticus. forgive my humble attempt to a poetic "arrivederci" for my family, my friends and my city. this time tomorrow I will be packing my bags. I am catching a plane on thursday at 6.30 am. when morning comes to town I'll be moving on. I am thankful for Jacopo is coming along for a few weeks. I am thankful because my dream is coming true. I can't believe I will be living in Helsinki for two years. I don't know what happens next. as my departure gets closer I feel more connected to what I am leaving behind. Jacopo says I won't leave anything behind. but I know for facts that something will stay here. this morning I said goodbye to my dad. it was the second time in my life I saw him crying. I know I won't be far, but I think he always wanted to keep me closer. it was the hardest thing I have ever done. my mam was a little bit stronger. I can't imagine what will happen when goodbye-time will come for Emi too. Timo was a soft fury ball. when I said goodbye to him I was crying too. I wish I could bring him along. Milano doesn't seem so hostile anymore. afterall, she adopted me for almost four years and she kept me kind of safe until now. I have started to consider her my hometown, as I have learnt so much here I grew up faster and stronger than ever. at least I think so. my neighboor Lucy said she is going to send me old postcards of Milano. I hope I will recieve many postcards and letters and packages. because I will be sending many. I will also post more on here, I promise. I didn't want to say goodbye to Hannes. goodbyes hurt so badly. I think I will never learn how to deal with it. even if I go and some of you stays. even if Milano won't move anywhere. I am bringing pieces of things and people with me. this is not just a poetic way of thinking about a departure. parts of some of you will eventually leave with me. I treasure what I saw and loved and I will treasure what I will see and love where I am going.
I am happy.

11 comments:

  1. I can feel how it is hard for you to leave here many of your loved ones, parents, emi, friends. but I think rather than tracing a line between what you had here and what it will be your life in Helsinki you have to think that everything is in procedendo, and you won't leave anyone behind, it will only change the way how you will relate with them. and you will have many things to tell them and many feelings to share they are unfamiliar with right now. so it will be something new for them too. and I think the way you are will make all these things a lot easier (:

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  2. yes (: thank you jacopo for these specially needed words. Infact I am happy for all these good things (:

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  3. you will have a lot of things to share with all your loved ones and these things will keep you in touch even more than what you expect, it's just a matter of time and we will see what happens.

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  4. quando tornerai io sarò qui per te.
    ti voglio bene
    a presto
    <3

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  5. jacopo <3 and emi <3<3<3 emi devi venire a trovarmi sai (:

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  6. you'll see, you will never be more you than when you're away. and you will see Milano from an external eye now. it's clichet but you know where you come from once you're away.

    courage ! and good adventure !

    you have to mail me your address there for postcards :)

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  7. alice <3 thank you for your kind words. if you say so I know it must be true: you've been abroad for quite a while now (:
    for sure I will be posting my new adress to you with a nice letter (:

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  8. beautiful.
    in my letter i wrote: milano isnt like milano without polly in it. lol.
    but well there s always a bit or a lot of polly in it.
    <3

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  9. aww amanda <3 your letter will surely cheer me up (: I can't wait for it! the first letter in the new place (:

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  10. helsingfors will be an amazing experience for you, I'm sure of it. I was always convinced you would reach the north somehow. it's happening :)

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  11. yes it is! thank you johannes for showing me the right way. NORTH! and we will be neighboor finally :D <3

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